Can I be Gay and still be a Christian?

Question:

Hi. I'm 16 years old, I believe in Jesus, but I am gay. I was sexually abused by my uncle as a child, and the thought of sex with a man is completely revolting to me. Can I be gay and a Christian at the same time?

Answer:

A resounding, but qualified, "yes."

Now, if you stop reading right there, you will miss most of this answer, since "yes" is not the whole answer. As with most things in life, there is more to this answer than just "yes" or "no."

At its core, being gay is about having a sexual attraction to a member of the same sex. This attraction is a temptation to engage in sex with a member of the same sex. The temptation is not a sin, but if you give in to that temptation and actually engage in sex, it is a sin. Temptation is temptation, but temptation is not sin. Jesus was tempted to sin, but resisted the temptation, and did not sin.

Let me state a few things up front.

First, it is possible that your attraction to women is more a result of your sexual abuse than a natural born inclination, however, I am not even remotely qualified to make that diagnosis, so it is also possible I am wrong about that. I hope you are getting counseling about the violence that you suffered as a child so that those scars may begin to heal.

Either way, even if it is a natural born inclination, being "born" that way does not justify the behavior. We are all "born" sinful (meaning that we are all born with lusts and desires to commit sinful acts), and it doesn't make our sin OK in God's eyes. So it is possible that you really were born with that particular temptation. That does NOT mean that "God made me this way," nor does it mean that following that inclination is OK.

Second, it is entirely possible that you will remain tempted by other women for the rest of your life. In other words, I find it highly unlikely that God will "deliver" you from this temptation by removing it. God never promises to eliminate temptation, only to give us the power to overcome temptation. For example, I, myself, am attracted to women, and I will never be "delivered" from that temptation. But I take careful steps to avoid that temptation, in fact, I am careful to keep myself from being in a situation where I might even have to "resist" the temptation. I guard my heart constantly.

So here is the bottom line: Christians are tempted to sin. Every single one of us. And every single one of us give in to some of those temptations, and actually commit sin. And we are also forgiven for the sins we commit, because we deeply and sincerely repent of them (meaning we are sorry, and we commit ourselves to surrendering to God's grace so we can overcome that temptation and not commit that sin again). Jesus death on the cross covers our sins; those we committed in the past, as well as any we may commit tomorrow.

So, yes, you can be tempted with homosexual desires and still be a Christian.

Now here comes the hard part.

If you genuinely love Jesus, then you will need to be serious about avoiding and overcoming sin, and that includes homosexuality. While it is true that all believers sin, sexual sins are not the same as many other kinds of sins. By that I do NOT mean they are more evil, or worse, or anything like that.

What I mean is that sexual sins have a tendency to result in much more immediate, visible and devastating ramifications (diseases, relationship damage, unwanted pregnancies, emotional scars, etc.) than many other sins, and like drugs, they produce physical pleasure, an actual chemical reaction in the brain. Further, if engaged with another person (as opposed to pornography, for example), they spiritually bind us to that person. All of these mean that it is easy for sexual sins to lead us into emotional, physical and/or spiritual bondage. Being in bondage to something means that we literally do not have the ability on our own to overcome it. We cannot resist the temptation. We are a slave to that desire. We are emotionally, spiritually or physically addicted to that behavior or person. Drugs and sexual sins quickly produce this kind of emotional, spiritual and/or physical bondage, so I strongly recommend you do NOT play around with sexual sins or drug abuse (and I am certainly NOT saying that homosexuality has anything to do with drugs, any more than heterosexuality has something to do with drugs . . . just saying both kinds of sins produce physical and emotional bondage).

So in all likelihood, you will probably need to commit yourself to leading a celibate life as a believer. This may sound unfair at first, but it depends on how serious you are about your relationship with Christ. Many hundreds of thousands of people down through the centuries have committed themselves to celibate lives for no other reason than a deep and sincere devotion to God and God alone, and they did not want ANYTHING, not even a relationship with another person, to come between them and God.

So can I be gay and be a Christian?

Absolutely, in exactly the same way that any person tempted by any other sins can be a Christian. But no person can claim to follow Christ and at the same time knowingly and intentionally commit sins with no repentance, and no intention of ending those sins. This is the same for every believer: I cannot claim to follow Christ and unabashedly live with my girlfriend, or cheat others without remorse in my business, or lie constantly to my constituents, or continuously cheat on my wife, or get drunk every chance I get. As a believer, Jesus does not want me to live in any kind of continuous, intentional, unrepentant sin. Jesus absolutely will, and does, forgive us of our sin, and wash it away. Not so that we can keep doing it, but so that we can be set free from sin, and not do it any more.

All believers get the same message from Jesus:

Then Jesus stood up and asked her, "Dear lady, where are your accusers? Hasn't anyone condemned you?" "No one, sir," she replied. Then Jesus said, "I don't condemn you, either. Go home, and from now on do not sin any more." (John 8:10-11)

So may I live a "normal, homosexual lifestyle" and be a Christian?

No, not really.

The point of our faith in Jesus is NOT so that we may continue in sin, but so that we may overcome our sins, and "not sin any more."

The grace of Jesus covers all sin, and there is no sin so great that God's grace cannot cover it. Your failings, my failings, everyone's failings. The bigger the sin, the bigger grace is to wash it away.

I'll let Paul finish this thought:

What should we say, then? Should we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 

Of course not! 

How can we who died as far as sin is concerned go on living in it? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into union with the Messiah Jesus were baptized into his death? Therefore, through baptism we were buried with him into his death so that, just as the Messiah was raised from the dead by the Father's glory, we too may live an entirely new life. 

For if we have become united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old natures were crucified with him so that our sin-laden bodies might be rendered powerless and we might no longer be slaves to sin. For the person who has died has been freed from sin. 

Now if we have died with the Messiah, we believe that we will also live with him, for we know that the Messiah, who was raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has mastery over him. For when he died, he died once and for all as far as sin is concerned. But now that he is alive, he lives for God. 

In the same way, you too must continually consider yourselves dead as far as sin is concerned, but living for God through the Messiah Jesus. (Romans 6:1-11)